I hate it when I go on blogging hiatus and then come back and have to apologize for not having posted anything in awhile. I hate it because it reminds me that I am not a super-blogger. It reminds me that I have been somewhat lax and lazy about this blog. It reminds me that, even though this blog was priority #1 in my writing life for awhile, I’m just too tired and drained to make it a priority now.

So, anyway, I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately.

After I started my new job, when I was in my blissful “honeymoon phase”, I planned to write a post and gush about how great my new job is and how much I love it. It was going to be a self-indulgent and obnoxious post. But that’s not the post I’m writing today. Today, I’m going to write about my actual mental state concerning my job. It’s not what I expected it to be.

For the last 2 weeks I have been more stressed out, anxious, and filled with dread than I can remember being in a very long time. I would like to go into greater detail as to why, but honestly I’m afraid I would put my job at risk by writing further details. And regardless of how stressed I am about my job, I cannot afford to lose it. My coworkers are assuring me that this “trial by fire” period is temporary, and that once I get a handle on the way the office works and how to interact with my boss, everything will be okay. I really hope they’re right.

Even though I’ve had jobs in marketing and social media before, I’d never done PR until now. And right now I’m running a PR campaign for a massive event with thousands of dollars at stake. I’m learning an incredible amount about event planning and public relations. I’m cranking out press releases, web copy, ad copy. Some of my writing will probably end up on a billboard. I’m accomplishing a lot of things, but I’m also overwhelmed with everything I’m trying to do. I’ve been having stress-induced work nightmares. I wake up in the morning with web copy on the brain. And my anxiety is leaking into my interactions with my loved ones. I really doubt it makes me a fun person to be around.

In addition to this work stress, I’m experiencing some financial strain as well. Despite getting a small raise when I started this job, I’m actually making a bit less than I was at my old job. This is because the cost of my commute is gobbling up any extra disposable income I would have been making otherwise. It’s an entirely frustrating and disheartening situation.

You may see me add a “tip jar” widget on my sidebar sometime soon. I haven’t decided if I really want to add it or not, but I can definitely tell you that a few bucks here or there would make a difference to me. Plus, I’ve been drinking coffee like it’s going out of style. Ungodly amounts of caffeine are pretty much how I manage to get everything done throughout the day.

A lot the activities I do in my spare time have fallen to the wayside. I haven’t gone running in over a month. I’ve been keeping up with yoga, but my eating habits have also devolved. I come home exhausted and want nothing more than to lay on the couch. This post feels like a lot of whining to me. Plenty of other folks have more or less the same issues. Frustrating jobs, financial problems, stress that affects their health and state of mind.

I went from a boring and unchallenging job in a field I did not study to a high-stress and demanding job in the field I’ve always wanted to work in. Essentially, I’m re-learning that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. Maybe there is job out there for me that’s more of a happy medium, but it’s not the job I have right now.

I’m just trying to figure it all out, make everything work, and still find the time to take care of myself. So that’s why I haven’t been around lately.

I hope you guys understand.

This article has 5 comments

  1. keelyellenmarie Reply

    I’m sorry to hear that the new job isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and I definitely feel you on the “I work full time and work my ass off and still never have enough money”…. that was what grad school felt like most of the time for me, even though now I’d be THRILLED to have that reliable paycheck once a month (It would have been enough, just barely, if my medical bills weren’t fucking ridiculous. The things the stress of grad school did to my body…).

    I’m sure you’ll make it through this though. And I think you should try and get back to posting here regularly, if you can, on a rolled-back schedule. Maybe once a week? I know you’ve been keeping up the “geeky giggles” posts, which I love, but I feel like the writing-of-fun-stuff, or even just writing-to-vent, like this post, has to be something you miss. And I certainly miss hearing from you.

    No pressure though… if you’re just too exhausted, that’s cool too.

    Here’s to hoping that things settle down a bit soon. In the meantime, thanks for being awesome, and thanks for continuing to read and comment on my stuff!

  2. Arny Reply

    Good job keeping up with yoga! I’m super proud of you for challenging yourself. I can’t wait to see your work on a billboard.

    It might not seem like it right now, but you’re doing great, Kaitlin! :)

  3. Christy P Reply

    I think it’s great that you’re keeping up with yoga. Also, I hear from so many people how helpful running is because you get alone time to think things through and de-stress. Exercise is always one of the most helpful, natural things you can do to improve mental health. It’s probably too cold to run outside now (ugh!) so it’s great that you have yoga! I might try a work out dvd this winter too.

    Don’t worry about blog posts either. When you get super stressed it’s hard to do even the smallest tasks without feeling a little overwhelmed. I think ultimately your blog is for you, and if it’s hard to find the time and energy to write in it right now, it’s ok to take a break to catch up with life.

    I like that you still pop in to post fun pictures though. It’s a nice way to remind your readers that you’re thinking of them, and that your blog is important to you. It’s just not something you can take a ton of time to do right now. :)

  4. Pingback: A Year in Review | Zombies 4 Breakfast

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